Well, it is Monday once again and I am loving our time together. Thank you for being here each week. If you are joining for the first time, you may want to start at the beginning. Here is where we have been:

Chapter 1: Admit It

Chapter 2: Let it Go

Chapter 3: Removing the Veil of Fine

Today, we start Chapter 4 and I have a feeling this will hit us all in the place we hurt most. My friend Tanya calls “Quiet Competition.” I think if we are going to be ok with where we are, this is something we have to face and overcome with only the grace Jesus can give.

What is it? Let’s read part of Chapter 4….

From Chapter 4 {The “C” Word}:

“Comparison is the death of joy.” 
― Mark Twain

“When you are not ok with where you are it is likely your best friend is having the time of her life. Her prayers are being checked off with ‘yeses’  in groups of ten. The sun is shining, her fortune cookie outlook is fantastic, and she is ten pounds lighter. Bless her heart, you love her but you are a bit bothered by it all. You will find yourself clapping courteously for her on the outside, while you shout on the inside , “It just isn’t fair.”

Nothing brings out the comparison monster quicker than admitting you are not ok with where you are. It is as though the enemy is crouched in the corner waiting to attack the moment you say it out loud. He is quick to show you, when you are in the midst of your struggle, how great everyone else seems to be doing. In fact, he takes great delight in parading in front of you the success stories of your closest friends and the masses as you sit rehearsing your latest dashed hope.

Nobody Loves Me, Everybody Hates Me

We are an all girl household except for one very brave super dad. We lean towards a flair for the dramatic. If there is one phrase I hear almost daily it is, “That isn’t fair. Why did she get more than me?” I tend to roll my eyes at this approach because I know good and well the accuser had her fair share. This approach rarely works for me. I tell my girls, “Life isn’t fair. This is a great lesson to learn young.”  I also sound just like my mother when I say it. I want them to know, the sooner they realize there is no fair-o-meter hanging mysteriously in the sky the better off they will be. They usually sulk off to their room and toss themselves on their bed in a heap of tears that would give Scarlet O’Hara a run for her money. They are convinced nobody loves them, everybody hates them and they might as well stop living all together. How could they when life just isn’t fair? 

We grown up girls feel it too. I have done my fair share of wailing on my bed. We desperately want life to be fair. And by fair, I mean we want our version of fair. We want things to go our way, on our schedule, with our people.  If we are honest, at times we want God to be a good fairy who shows up with a magic wand. We want Him to turn our soot covered rags into fairytale worthy ball gowns every single time we ask. And for once, we want it to be about us, not our sister. You know what I’ve discovered? It isn’t just us or our kids who know this feeling. Bible girls felt it, too. Just ask Martha.

Mary and Martha and throwing your sister under the bus.

Martha was standing in the kitchen. Mary was at the feet of Jesus. One of them was not happy with where she was, or maybe she was not happy with where her sister was by comparison. Do you know the story?

“As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” Luke 10: 38-40

This is a snapshot moment in the lives of two sisters. In it we find a house full of hungry people and Martha feeling the weight of feeding them all. She was frustrated. When we are not ok with where we are, tension rises. Can you feel it too in this story?

From Martha’s view, she had the short end of the stick. She was quick to throw Mary under the bus because in her estimation, it was not fair she was doing all the work.  Where was Mary while Martha was in the kitchen? She was lounging at the feet of Jesus. Mary did not feel the tension. Martha was not having it. In comparing herself to Mary, any joy she may have had in serving Jesus died on the spot.

But Jesus said: “Oh Martha, Martha, you are so anxious and concerned about a million details, but really only one thing matters. Mary has chosen that one thing, and I won’t take it away from her.”  Luke 10:41-42, The Voice Translation

I love how Jesus uses Martha’s name twice to make sure He has her attention. I think He said it tenderly. I think He looked her straight in the eye. He was not so much excusing Mary, but gently pulling Martha back to the one thing she was missing. While she was busying complaining about where she was and comparing herself to Mary, she was missing Jesus. He was drawing her back to Himself.

God is saying this to us as well. “Girl, you are so anxious and concerned over your place in life, but only one thing matters.”  Do you hear Him? He is drawing us back to Himself.  He is making a place at His feet for us. We will probably come to Him frustrated, anxious, and with our list of complaints. We may feel like He is holding out on us. We may tell Him it is not fair. The truth is, what He is offering is what really matters. It is a deeper relationship with Him. He is willing to use anything in our lives to accomplish this if we will let Him. The question is, will we take that seat? Will we go deeper with Him, or will we continue to look around at everyone else and want what they have? ”

***

Comparison is a two headed monster. It keeps us in an ugly place and it makes us want what our sister has. If we want to grow through this process and find Jesus in the middle of it, we have to look to Him and not others. I love this quote by Robert Murray M’Cheyne “For every look at self, take ten looks at Christ.” I think we can apply  it to comparison as well. When we are in a place of struggle, we have to look ten times more to Christ and His Word. Next week, we will find a few things we can look at and stand on.

Q. Oh sweet friend I know this is so hard. Do you struggle with the “C” Word  - Comparison?  Has it stolen your last bit of joy? What would it look like in your life if you accepted the invitation to sit next to the feet of Jesus and go deeper with Him instead?

See you next week, for Chapter 5.

xo,

Stacey

From Chapter 3 {Removing the Veil of Fine}: 

“You might be ok with telling God you are not ok. You may figure, He knows anyway.  It isn’t easy, but it makes good sense to be on the same page with the One who knows your heart from the inside out. David knew this truth, too:

“O Eternal One, You have explored my heart and know exactly who I am; You even know the small details like when I take a seat and when I stand up again. Even when I am far away, You know what I’m thinking. You observe my wanderings and my sleeping, my waking and my dreaming, and You know everything I do in more detail than even I know. You know what I’m going to say long before I say it. It is true, Eternal One, that You know everything and everyone.”

Psalm 139: 1-4, The Voice Translation

Did you catch that? The Eternal One, He knows everything. He knows more than we know. I find this comforting in every way. I can rest in this truth for days.

However, not comforting is the idea of everyone else knowing the small details of my life. I would rather keep my “I am not ok with where I am”  between me and God. I know He can keep a secret, but my Facebook Friends might be another story. Plus, if I tell them, I’m not ok, they might reject me and call me crazy.

My friend Emily Freeman writes about this so beautifully in Graceful: Letting Go of the Try Hard Life:

“The fear of rejection drives me hard, eating away at my courage. And so my love is cautious. My faith is timid. My story is small. I long to be seen, but I feel safe when I’m invisible. So I stay the good girl. And I hide,” p. 19.

This is the story of my life.  I lived small and played the good and fine girl part like a pro. I did not want others to see my weariness, so I hid behind a veil of, “Fine.”  About a two years ago, I finally stepped out from my favorite hiding place.

I could tell you my story, but I think I’ll save it for the book. Plus, if you have been around here any length of time, you know it already. Instead, I’m going to jump ahead in the chapter to one of my favorite Bible stories. It is filled with drama and has an amazing truth for us as we move toward being ok with where we are…

Veils, Sister-Wives, and the One Who Loves us Truly, Madly, & Deeply

When I think of hiding and veils I think of Leah. She is the poster-girl for hiding. Her story of hiding is found in Genesis chapter twenty-nine.

“Now Laban had two daughters. The older daughter was named Leah, and the younger one was Rachel. There was no sparkle in Leah’s eyes, but Rachel had a beautiful figure and a lovely face.” Genesis 29:16-17, NLT

I can see her trying to blend in, not rock the boat, and be the kind of girl who was okay with where she was. But the truth is there was no sparkle in her eyes. She was not okay. 

“Since Jacob was in love with Rachel, he told her father, “I’ll work for you for seven years if you’ll give me Rachel, your younger daughter, as my wife.”

So Laban invited everyone in the neighborhood and prepared a wedding feast. But that night, when it was dark, Laban took Leah to Jacob, and he slept with her.” Genesis 29:18-23, NLT

The girl without a sparkle in her eyes pretended to be the girl with the lovely face.  She hid behind the veil and played the part. Now, I’m willing to entertain the fact that Leah did not have a whole lot to say about the part she was asked to play. Scripture simply states it happened. We don’t know for sure. But, what I think might be possible, is Leah was able to follow through with the plan because she had been hiding for years. This was all too familiar territory for her. “Live small, stay invisible, be the good girl who always does what you are told,” she might have thought.

We see in the story of Leah how hiding can lead to a whole mess of trouble.  One man, two women, and twelve children set the stage for a massive sister-wives drama. It sounds to me more like a HBO series than a Bible story. I’m so glad God included this in His Word. Real women, who live real broken lives I can identify with speak loudly to me, especially when I am not ok with where I am.  My heart breaks for Leah. Does yours, too? Do you see yourself in her distant stare wondering what could have been?

Yet, even in her hiding we see a loving God who met her right where she was. He knew her hiding places. He saw the one Jacob did not love and chose to bless her. He brought her out of hiding into a beautiful story of legacy through her son Judah. One of my favorite books adds this about the story of Leah:

“Now when Leah knew that God loved her, in her heart suddenly it didn’t matter anymore whether her husband loved her the best, or if she was the prettiest. Someone had chosen her, someone did lover her—with a Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.” The Jesus Storybook Bible, p 74.

God’s love frees us up, like Leah, to be drawn out of our hiding places, too. He wants us to share our stories and help others to see we work from acceptance not toward it. You know, when Leah took off the veil of fine, I think she was smiling from ear to ear. God loved her, and no matter what others said, that would never change.”

:::

Do you need to take off the veil of fine? Is God calling you to come out of your favorite hiding place? Oh sweet sister, let Him draw you out of there. He has a beautiful story wants to write through you. And it can start, today.

If this particular chapter didn’t get all up in your business, I’m guessing next week will. It is all about the “C” word we all struggle with, can you guess it? More next Monday.

xo,
Stacey